I had hoped that taking time out from my novel to work on a short would boost me out of the writing funk I'm in. It seemed to be working because by the time I finished the short, I was looking forward to getting back to TTD. However, when I opened the chapter, read it and tried to pick up where I left off, I only managed 700 some words before I ran out of steam.
I paused to email a writing friend (rambling does wonders for my thought processes) and lo and behold, as hoped, the *thinking aloud* by typing the problem to someone else helped me see that I had spent the time setting up several sources of potential conflict, and then went on to disarm two-thirds of them before they could threaten the character. I detest conflict in real life. I don't, of course, mind reading about it (unless I feel like the conflict is just there because, you know, we need conflict to think like the story is doing something), but I have a hard time creating situations where it abounds. I would prefer to do what I do in life: diffuse it as soon as possible or pretend I don't see it so it will go away.
Anyhow, I saw a way I could let one of the sources of conflict get closer to distablizing my character (can't be anything major because a biggie conflict turning point is coming up, and serious conflict between characters is currently being instigated [and I was just saying I don't like conflict? *scratches head*]) so that it could serve as a catalyst for the important event in the scene. Now, despite having this revelation, I am still unexcited about tackling it. Maybe there is still something bothering me and I have to follow my plan of letting it mijote for a while longer.
Yesty, I wasted the day writing bad poetry and found poems. Today, it took me 2h20 to write 874 words on another short. Who knows how many of those I'll be able to keep. It is getting to the point where I'm having "Who the heck am I kidding with this writing business?" thoughts. My membership on the OWW is up in less than a month, and I'm doubting the wisdom of renewing. What do I have to contribute? I could renew just for the people I've met. Maybe that is the solution: give up writing. Become a professional critter, but really, I'm not tops at that either.
I'm seriously disillusioned about something. Myself? My writing?