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and say what you really mean.

Overheard at the park today:

Mother, speaking to her 5-6 year old boy: Children don't have the right to say "no."

Really?  They don't have the right?  Because they are children?

Do you really mean that?  No, I don't think you do. I think you mean, "I am the parent, my say goes, and I say it is time to leave, so come on."  I *think* that is what you meant. Still some things wrong with that, but nothing close to what actually came out of your mouth.

Instead, what you risk instilling in your child is:

You are a child, so you don't have the right to say no if someone is hurting you.
You are a child, so you don't have the right to say no if someone is abusing you.
You are a child, so you don't get to have opinions/choices.
You are a child, so your opinions don't matter to me/don't matter as much as mine.
You are a child, so you can never have a better idea than I, the adult.

And the list goes on.

I know I don't say the "right" thing every time--far from it--but hearing that mom speaking to her child really brought home the importance of weighing my words and being mindful of what I'm leaving unsaid before I speak. 

Comments

frigg
Feb. 2nd, 2013 10:40 pm (UTC)
My guess is she meant "because I say so" - which is slightly better, but boy did I hate that sentence when I was a kid. I wanted a REAL reason.

At least I hope that's what she meant.

And you definitely don't have to worry. Soelie does not strike me as a child who doesn't know how to say no - or speak up if something is wrong.
mnfaure
Feb. 3rd, 2013 07:40 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that is what she meant, too. As you say, it is a hated sentence when you are young--or any time you feel you are not being treated as an equal.

S strikes you right, I see. /:)

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mnfaure
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