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Some -fieds, a -pied, and I

Sprout is 3 weeks old today. It feels like too much has happened to be contained within three weeks, but on the other hand, I feel like I have done a whole lot of Nothing Much during that time.

I spent the first few days being terrified, thinking that there is no way I can do this mother thing, no way I can hang in there until Sprout is old enough not to need me to care for her.  Thanks to sunflower_sky , I realized that those feelings of terror were largely hormone-related. Much to my relief. I have a somewhat adventuresome spirit and am not easily cowed by new circumstances, so I was blindsided by the panic attacks tying my stomach in knots and making me weepier than a willow. Glad to say the hormones have stabilized.

My hormones may be on the mend, as it were, but I'm still zombified, living on not-near-enough-sleep.  It has been such a blessing to have Julien home so he can take Sprout in the mornings and I can try to squeeze in an extra hour of shut eye.  Not that that has happened for the past two mornings. No naps either.

Between the breastfeeding, spit up, and trying to catch Sprout's signals about when she needs to void, I can say I walk around looking quite undignified these days.  I'll spare you the details, but let's just say, I won't open the door to just anyone looking the way I do. 

So, yeah, rather occupied, but not occupied enough because there are still projects needing my attention, the most pressing being making some cloth diapers to put on Sprout at night...

What am I doing blogging, then? *sigh* Back to the trenches...


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 12th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
I know it is in no way comparable, but for what it's worth, I always spend the first few weeks after getting a puppy in a state of "OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT WAS I THINKING????".

Having a baby is huge responsibility, it means changing your life to a larger or lesser degree, not to mention the physical changes your body goes through during and after pregnancy, I suspect many new mothers feel this way (I certainly would. If a puppy makes me a bit panicky, imagine what a baby would do), but that it's not something that's spoken about.
Nov. 13th, 2010 10:00 am (UTC)
hehe. After doing this once, I don't know if I'm up to doing it again. :P Even knowing the pain of birth and the hormones pass. :P
Nov. 12th, 2010 09:05 pm (UTC)
I'm glad that you did find a few seconds to blog. It's lovely to hear from you *HUGS*

If it helps, I know you can do this and do it really, really well. Much love being sent your way!
Nov. 13th, 2010 10:01 am (UTC)
Thanks for the vote of confidence! :D
Nov. 13th, 2010 12:27 am (UTC)
You are doing what you have to do to take care of your adorable girl and that is More Than Enough. You needn't be hard on yourself.
Nov. 13th, 2010 10:02 am (UTC)
Hehe. No hardness here. Well. Maybe only a smidge.
Nov. 13th, 2010 02:43 am (UTC)
It's always that way with a first child. I don't think anybody is ever prepared for it.

::HUGS:: Sending you courage and sleep vibes.
Nov. 13th, 2010 09:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, I think you can prepare yourself all you want, but nothing will stop that feeling of "oh my! this is for YEARS!" that swamps you. :D

I appreciate the sleep vibes. I believe I got another hour of sleep this morning because of them. :D
Nov. 13th, 2010 05:32 pm (UTC)
YES. In my experience, Baby #2 was the easiest thing ever. (Okay. Not THE easiest thing. Ever. But waaaay easier than baby one. And that isn't counting the whole visual impairment thing because we didn't even know about it until three months of age.) The hard part about #2 is figuring out how to combine the care of #1 and #2 into the same person and the same hours of the same day... but even that was so much easier than the hurricane of new motherhood. At least in my experience.

I hadn't even realized how much I had learned until I had the second baby and was taking care of him on autopilot. Nursing while walking! Nursing while eating! Nursing while blogging! Nursing while bathing #1! Nursing while sleeping!

I bet the EC thing adds a measure of stress (part of why I could never do it), but from what I understand it'll pay off later. Nothing like changing gooey diapers to make you wish you could just hold them over a sink/toilet/potty...

Good to hear from you, Miquela. I was thinking of asking how you guys were doing.

My tip of the day, which is a power I recently discovered: I try to catch myself projecting into the future. There's nothing like babies crying to make all your neurons scream "SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY EVER AGAIN", and that is a natural and healthy response as long as you take it for what it is. When both of my babies are crying at once and I need to prioritize their needs, I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that in 20 minutes, an hour max, both will be perfectly content and we'll all be happy again. I have a tendency to take it further and be like "I'm losing it. I knew I couldn't do this. What if I get pregnant again now and have another baby in eight months" (me and my eight-month gestation...) "and can't handle it and go crazy and all my kids will be screaming and I'll just lose it and fall apart and none of us will ever be happy ever again!!!"... Recently I've been able to catch myself doing that and say to myself: "Okay. I'm distressed about the crying and afraid about what it means. But everything is okay now and I'm going to deal with what's happening now."

And then I feel so free!

Nov. 15th, 2010 02:19 pm (UTC)

And here I am thinking, "I canNOT do this again," but if you are saying Baby #2 is easy, well...

Er, seriously though, I can't imagine doing this with two babies at a time. Your tip is a great one and is something I've been trying to apply as well. "Stay in the moment" has been my constant mantra.
Nov. 13th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
You're gonna be a good mom.

Just go easy on the sprout if she decides to hijack and Ice Cream truck so she can drive to Angola.
Nov. 15th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC)
*lol* I'll keep in mind that some of her escapades may be me paying for my raising. :D
Nov. 16th, 2010 06:25 am (UTC)
What am I doing blogging, then? *sigh* Back to the trenches...

Hands over shovel, hard hat, flak jacket. Plus moisturiser, lavender oil & oil burner, good sleep vibes and cherishing. Lots of cherishing for all three of you :)
Nov. 16th, 2010 01:20 pm (UTC)
:D Thanks for the supplies. Very useful, especially the flak jacket. lol

But my fav is the cherishing.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )


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