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 I have not been writing; I have not been revising.  I have not been sleeping...well, not sleeping enough. 

I just came through a bout of insomnia.  At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was so tired that my insomnia and difficulty falling asleep grew to be distant memories. However, almost two weeks ago, insomnia slithered back into my head and, coupled with a compressed bladder, kept me from getting enough sleep, no matter how tired I grew.  I couldn't even take naps. Friday, I was so exhausted, I broke into tears when I realized I was missing my birthing class because I was trying to take a nap..."trying" being the extremely operative word. Well, the crying took its toll and I was able to nap for an hour after I got over the guilt of not respecting my appointment and the realization that yes, this parenting thing is going to take a lot of effort and there is no way I can be prepared for every contingency before the birth or expect to be up to date on every parenting technique, on how I feel about issues like immunizations and if they are really safe for children, and and and...

And that night, I was back in bed, ready to sleep, at 9:30 and only lay there for an hour before being able to nod off. After two nights of 10 hours of shut-eye (not uninterrupted, mind you; remember the pregnant lady bladder thing) and one night of 8, I'm feeling almost human again. 

But this weekend, I've only had the will to binge. Binge on season 4 of Dexter. All 12 episodes in two days. Binge on crocheting. Hours and hours of doing double stitches, trying to finish the blanket for my niece's baby so that I can get on with projects for Little Bean without feeling guilty for putting "me and mine" first.

And I could say I binged on spice muffins and chocolate pudding pie, but I won't because I didn't.  Not really.  Indulging is not bingeing. 

Dexter is over, but the blanket is not finished.  Back to work.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 30th, 2010 09:13 am (UTC)
Glad you're feeling better. Insomnia can really mess up your mind.
Aug. 30th, 2010 09:29 am (UTC)
Yes. Couple that with hormones and the result can be very Not Pretty. :P
Aug. 30th, 2010 09:47 am (UTC)
Binge until you feel better, that's my motto!

(and that's what we did yesterday, after a traumatic morning, and oh it worked!)
Aug. 30th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
The permission is very much appreciated. :D Julien hasn't even acted shocked yet at the measly amount of pie that is left. >:D
Aug. 30th, 2010 10:23 am (UTC)
Glad you're feeling better. Make sure you save some fun tv stuff for baby-feeding at o-god-o'clock. We have the most mind-numbing, awful infomercials for several hours of the middle of the night, and having a few fun, mindless things to watch and a warm blanket to snuggle in made me a much happier mum :}
Aug. 30th, 2010 07:22 pm (UTC)
This is good advice. I was glued to Law & Order and Gilmore Girls. I know, I know, weird combo, but it worked!
Aug. 30th, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
Excellent advice!
Aug. 30th, 2010 01:04 pm (UTC)
Pregnancy can be trying even without the insomnia. I'm glad you were finally able to sleep. I do hope the insomnia doesn't strike again.

Don't worry. You'll be a good parent. As concerned as you sound about it, you'll make the right decisions. A lot of them come naturally.
Aug. 30th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
I sincerely hope so, too. I'm a miserable person when I don't get a good dose of sleep.

And thanks for the vote of confidence. :)
Aug. 30th, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
I heartily agree with queenoftheskies confidence. Your baby will be lucky to have you for a parent. I agree with the thing about a lot of decisions coming naturally too--trust your instincts.
Aug. 31st, 2010 10:26 am (UTC)
Thank you, asakiyume! :)
Aug. 30th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
I feel your pain sister. Insomnia during Trimester III is a known and dreaded phenomenon, and I, too, struggle with it regardless of pregnancy...

Makes for some whacked-out anxiety dreams too. :-/

Aug. 30th, 2010 08:36 pm (UTC)
When I read about some of the first trimester symptoms coming back, I thought of the fatigue and just blithely assumed I'd be able to sleep as deeply as at the beginning. No such luck. And it doesn't have anything to do with being uncomfy. My belly is growing, yes, but I don't feel unwieldy. It is more the head games...or rather the head just won't shut up.
Aug. 30th, 2010 07:20 pm (UTC)
Dexter 4 may well be part of the problem. It was intense! Great show, though!

On a serious note, my hormones went haywire at about month 6/7. Like I thought I was going nuts. Everything set me off, I couldn't stand to be around anyone, and I ended up with severe insomnia, too. I don't know what healthcare is like there, but Ambien was safe for me in the third trimester and it helped tons.

"Indulging is not bingeing."

I love that. I LOVE IT.

Prayers to you, and if you ever need to just TALK, msg me and we'll take on AIM!

Big love!
Aug. 31st, 2010 11:34 am (UTC)
*lol* I was smart enough to leave Dexter 4 for the days when I had actually rediscovered sleep. That did not stop me from having, um, strange dreams the first night. So, Night the Second, I made sure to watch a comedy after the Dexter season finale. :P

Thanks for the prayers and the offer to talk. :)
Aug. 31st, 2010 01:48 am (UTC)
Well, some pregnant women want pickles, you want... a serial killer.

Perfectly normal. Honest.

*very glad you're across an ocean from me*
Aug. 31st, 2010 11:36 am (UTC)
You know, I haven't craved anything really. Kinda sad about that. I wanted to have some weird food fancy, but nope. :P

*I* may be an ocean away, but Dexter is only a few states south of you. :D

Just sayin'....

Aug. 31st, 2010 12:12 pm (UTC)
This is going to be a very interesting child.
Aug. 31st, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC)
I very much hope so.

Who wants a boring child? :P

Just last night, Julien was saying he hopes the kid has a knack for telling tall tales. *lol*
Aug. 31st, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
And if s/he doesn't, you're welcome to borrow Isaac to teach him/her. :P
Aug. 31st, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)
Insomnia sucks. I'm not qualified to comment on pregnancy & parenthood.

But I'm going to comment anyway ;-) You're going to be a terrific mother. You and Julien are going to be terrific parents! The fact that you're worried about doing the right thing is testament to that and the realisation that you're human and can only do the best you can is even more so.

I'm glad you're feeling better & I'm sending 'sleep well' vibes even as I type. At 4.30 a.m! :D
Aug. 31st, 2010 11:38 am (UTC)
At 4:30 A!M! Woman, hie thyself to bed. :P

Your vibes arrived safe and sound. Almost 9.5 hours of sleep last night.

Thanks for believing in us. We're going to give it our best. :D
Aug. 31st, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)

Aug. 31st, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
I wish I'd read this before I emailed you. Sorry you've been going through such a hard time. Be good to yourself and only do what you feel like doing. And no guilt! It's a totally useless emotion. You should put you and yours first. You're going to be a mommy soon and have precious little time for anything else for awhile.

BIG hugs and kisses.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )


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