February 6th, 2010

wayfaring wordhack

Open Letter to...

 The Three Silly and Very Annoying Girls on the Plane from Brisbane to Sydney;

Hard though it may be to imagine, the entire aircraft was not interested in your discussion and would have appreciated it if you had lowered your voices to more reasonable, conversational levels.

No, your gambit of speaking of vaginal piercings did not make you cool in our eyes, and your laughs, far from being tinkling, charming, and engaging, were more like the brayings of poorly castrated donkeys.

I speak on behalf of our fellow travelers when I kindly suggest that next time you tone it down.

All I can say beyond that is thank the Lord you weren't on the 8-hr flight to Singapore.

Absolutely No Love,
Me and the rest of the Jet Star flight 
wayfaring wordhack

Our secret is out

At the Singapore airport, the entry formalities were quick and painless, but as soon as Julien and I tried to head out the "nothing to declare" customs door, we were politely requested to put our bags through a scanner.

Well, there you have it, I thought. I'm sure I'm being singled out because of my dreads. We smilingly did as we were asked, and the customs officer cast a discreet glance at my hair.  I smiled at visions of myself sitting on the conveyor belt, riding through the X-ray machine.

When they pulled our bags out the other side, though, they had a different set of suspicions concerning us.

"We need to see in this bag," the officer said, tapping Julien's blue and gray backpack.

No problem. Julien pulled it over to the table, and the x-ray inspector said something else to his colleague.

"We need to see in that bag, too," said the officer, pointing at my pack, already neatly stowed on our trolley. "You have a knife here." He patted the top of my bag.

"Yep, I have two." And proceeded to pull out Opinel knives and a corkscrew wine opener. "Don't ask why we have so many," I quipped, and he didn't.

From his bag, Julien pulled out a black blade that my cousin Joe had given him. The officer looked at it warily and then handed it back to Julien, saying that switchblade knives aren't allowed in the country but that this one was okay.  Little did he know, if you know how to use the knife, the blade comes out almost as quickly and dangerously.

We felt quite tough and villainous, I can tell you, having shown our three knives and knowing there was another in the bag that they hadn't seen.

We smothered our giggles and walked calmly away.  Customs had thought to find a druggie and found two wine-drinking ninjas instead.
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